how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
