Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
