thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
