just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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