In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize