You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
