today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
