An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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