Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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