I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
