You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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