i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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