And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
