i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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