I just saw a hot homeless man
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
