Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
