My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
