Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think i got beer on your cat.
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