her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
