i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
