looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
