Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
