You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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