Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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