I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
