You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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