DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
