Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize