It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
