My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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