he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
