I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
