ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
