Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
