Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
