we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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