She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
