Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
