You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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