It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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