Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
