So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
