How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
