She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
