Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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