we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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