I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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