ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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