Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
