call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
