peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
