the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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