Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will pee on everything he values.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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