got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
FUCK WHALES
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