im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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