it hurts more in the daytime
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize