Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
