I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
