I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
farters have to be the big spoon...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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