his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
