my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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