Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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