He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
