Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
