You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ketchup is God's man juice
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
