you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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