i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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