look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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