Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize