I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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