in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize