forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Shame - the story of my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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