I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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