Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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