I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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