Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
